I don't remember too much of this time spent in there other than it being very lonely. I spent thanksgiving without family that year. It was very tough to be able to only speak to your parents once a week for a chosen length of time. While I was there I received letters from some people. The people who sent me letters were the guys from my small group, family and others at church. I am now realizing how awesome it was to get those letters from them. I remember getting a letter from my friend Elizabeth while I was there; she sent me a small metal cross and words of encouragement. It meant a lot to me, I had gone pretty far from the "faith" that I found in 9th grade.
On the last weekend I was in treatment we had to do counseling as a family. Those three days were some of the toughest times we had together as a family. I had to reveal every thought, action and drug I had ever done, to my parents during those days. It was extremely tough on Leigh Anne. I remember her saying, "how am I ever going to let you back into my home and how am I ever going to trust you again?" That is a real statement and very powerful. It was true though; after all of the hateful things I'd done and all the money I took from my parents, how were they going to trust me again?
After the three days were over I was released from treatment and the three of us as a family went to spend a few days in Seattle. It was pretty awesome there. For a long time I wanted to move to Seattle later in my life. After we left Seattle I flew to Indiana to spend some time with Jack and Nancy (Leigh Anne's parents) for the days leading up until my parents got there for Christmas. While I was there, before Dad and Leigh Anne got into town, I spent a couple of nights drinking cough syrup and taking pills I had found in the bathroom cabinet in attempt to get high. I had relapsed, just days after leaving treatment. I did not get caught for this and decided I would not tell anyone this had happened.
After returning to Atlanta after Christmas I began to go back to school and also went back to the Out-Patient drug treatment place I had attended before being sent to Washington. I would spend the next 6 months going to treatment three nights a week for 3 hours each time. I also attended 1-3 Alcoholics Anonymous meetings a week during this time. I will forever be grateful for one of my counselors there named Ashley. Ashley had a way of digging deep into your emotions and head and opening them up. After crying at the realization he had pulled out, the two of us would begin to stitch the wound back up and leave it in the past. These months of being in treatment were very painful and growing for my family and I. After the six months were over and I graduated from Out-Patient treatment my family and I had a sense of trust in the home. I did end up telling everyone about my relapse that I had a few days after treatment, 4 months after it had happened. This is really were I began to see progress in my life. After I told that secret I had nothing else to hide from Dad and Leigh Anne.
During this time I really focused on Church and God. I fell in love with God and I enjoyed helping out at the church. I surrounded myself with great friends whom were great to have around. I made it through my 10th grade year and the summer after and was excited for my junior year. I worked my first job during my junior year; Mama Leo's pizza. I had a girlfriend from tenth grade into eleventh grade who was great to have around. Things were going great!
Shortly after my girlfriend at the time and I broke up things began to get interesting in my life. There were a couple of guys at the pizza place who were into drugs and they seemed to be having so much fun with it. One day I decided to ask if I could come hang out after work with the guys. They agreed and that night in December of 2006 I smoked weed again. It had such a powerful effect on me. I remember having short black outs and not being able to hold track of time. Although, something in me loved every second of it. I smoked one other time that week and then I went to Ohio for Christmas to spend it with my mom. I spoke to no one about what had happened, but while I was in Ohio I did slip some of my Mom's alcohol. After returning from Ohio I began to smoke weed every day. My habit picked up right where it left off before going to Washington. My parents had no idea what was going on and I kept quiet to most people at school and church about what was going on. Though, there were people around me who noticed what I was doing. Black circles were developing around my eyes and I became a much quieter person. I spent a few weeks in January that year coming to school stoned every few days. As it was getting closer to the end of the month Ecstasy was becoming popular around school. I had to try it. I had never had the opportunity in the past. I saved up some money from work and I bought two Ecstasy pills and some weed from a buddy. The next night I took the pills and smoked the weed. I was alone. I remember that night. It was horrible.
During that night I did not see anything that was not there, but I did hear things that were not going on. I remember hearing my parents yelling downstairs about calling the cops and then arguing that they wouldn't and they would just deal with me in the morning. Every time I would go out of my room to check if this argument was really going on or not there was silence. I could hear my dad snoring and the sound of their fan roaring. It was driving me crazy. Why was I hearing all of this? Finally the intense part of the high wore off and I went into my backyard, sat down and smoked cigarettes. While I was sitting down I tried to figure out what had just happened to me. I did not sleep that night. I got ready early the next morning and went to run sound for the 5th grade room at my church. I was extremely paranoid. It had to be obvious that I had been on drugs all night.
The next week I spent trying to figure out what was going on in my life. The Saturday night with the ecstasy had been terrifying. The following Sunday while I was at youth group I stayed after to talk with my small group leader. I told him everything that had been going on since December. I was done. I wanted to quit. He took me home that night and I went upstairs to get my weed so that he could get rid of it for me. He took me for a drive to talk about what I needed to do about my parents. After we talked he took me back home. That night I called my dad upstairs and told him everything. It was the most freeing moment of my life.
My parents did not get too angry at me. I made the decision to quit drugs for myself this time. It stuck. It made a huge difference that I chose to do this and not that someone else chose it for me.
I met some great friends during the last semester of Junior year. I attended a bible study called the Brotherhood and I remember that during those days in the Brotherhood I began to really see a relationship between myself and God. It was great. My family and I were happy and I had no struggles with drugs or alcohol. Finally I was experiencing freedom in my life and I have no one to thank other than God and His grace.
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Guys,
When I went into this blog series of my life story I had no idea that it would continue to stretch out this long! I hope you are still on board with my story. I appreciate you all so much for taking the time to see where God has taken me and also what He has led me out of in my life. I am excited to tell you about the past two and a half years of my life in the posts to follow. They are exciting and I can't wait to relive them as I tell you about it! Please feel free to send me any questions, either on the blog comments box or through email/facebook! I would love to hear your story if you would like to share it!
Thanks!
-brett
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